The Right Kind of Valentine's Day

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. These days, I believe it is just a major Hallmark holiday. Many people (and even I have, myself) get caught up with the rituals and perhaps the obligations, and never thought twice about the things we buy and do for this holiday.

Today, I heard a podcast on NPR about A Brother And Sister Get Married (And Later, Their Son Tweets It). Obviously, it is not what you think it is but a rather sentimental love tale of a husband's fervent love to his wife, even at the time of his death. The story reminded me of the love my grandfather has for my grandmother, and how heart-wrenching it was to watch him cried and suffered during her last hours. They were married for more than 50 years.

On this Valentine's day (and I am writing a day later in Japan but still in the time zone in the US), I want to declare a small revolution to change the way we celebrate Valentine's day. I want the world to focus on remembering all the experiences, the causes, the continuance, the memories of love of people they care or have cared about - husband, wife, boyfriends, girlfriends, mother, father, friends, co-workers, ex's. I want people to celebrate that this idea of love exist and it is around us. I want people to feel the emotions of love and even if they have never experienced it before, imagine with what they know and acknowledge it. Instead of buying chocolates, flowers, dinners, cards, I want people to just spend time researching or talking with someone about love. I want people be inspired by the talks of love.

Yes, it's cheesy but I am pretty sick of the way things are going on Valentine's day.

Signed,
The idealist and romantic

From the podcast, John Fuglesang's father (looking at his wife in this photo) who's crazy, madly in love with his wife, with a twist.

My grandparents. Been in love since they were teenage neighbors.

Why language is a uniquely human gift

Growing up as a child in Hong Kong, I struggled with every subject in school except for English because I believed I had an innate ability and natural curiosity for it. During my teenage years, I took up French as a requirement for my school in England. Though I didn't pursue any cultural interests, there were unavoidable influences. In college, I became aware of my interest for languages and signed up for German (because I was curious), Spanish (because my ex-boyfriend was from Guatemala), Japanese (because I thought it would be fun), and Mandarin Chinese (because I needed an easy subject to pull up my GPA). I almost took up Russian because I thought it would be useful for business. All of these "experimental language pursuits", in hindsight, were gateways for me to learn about different cultures without traveling abroad as I was a poor college student. Skip to 10 years later, I am now an English teacher in Japan and an on-and-off serious learner of Japanese. I still couldn't truly conclude the reasons of my pursuits except for that I know it makes me feel "wholesome" for the lack of a better word. Alas, my good friend, Tom, whom I have had numerous discussions on the learning of languages, especially in Japanese, recently sent me an article of how languages influence cultures and thoughts. At the end of the article, the author was able to articulate the depth of my thoughts in one paragraph:

"Language is a uniquely human gift. When we study language, we are uncovering in part what makes us human, getting a peek at the very nature of human nature. As we uncover how languages and their speakers differ from one another, we discover that human natures too can differ dramatically, depending on the languages we speak. The next steps are to understand the mechanisms through which languages help us construct the incredibly complex knowledge systems we have. Understanding how knowledge is built will allow us to create ideas that go beyond the currently thinkable. This research cuts right to the fundamental questions we all ask about ourselves. How do we come to be the way we are? Why do we think the way we do? An important part of the answer, it turns out, is in the languages we speak."

Hallelujah!

Bye bye 2011. That was really fast! (Part 1)

2011 went by really fast for me. I have a bag full of mixed feelings because there seems to be lots of goods, but then it is easy to remember the bads as well. But in the larger picture of things, I have a lot to be grateful for. Perhaps it was because I couldn't get all that I had wanted, but in a bit of hindsight (and writing in Hong Kong, away from the land itself, I could get a better view), I got what I need.

Perhaps the biggest gain I have gotten this year had to do with my professional development. As I completed my full term of year two in Japan, it had become more and more apparent that I want to gain as much professional experiences as I possibly could. After I quit my stable, big-corp language school teaching job, things fell together for me to freelance in Fukuoka. With decent reputation, lots of hard work, a bit of luck, and some very fortunate connections, I have accessed to small to major companies in Fukuoka and Japan. I worked with some very smart, successful professionals that are beyond my imagination, and most of all, I was able to adapt myself to work and help a wide range of people. In the past 5 months of basically running my own business, I received some success but I can't help but to think if I have the smarts and endurance to maintain it. I have grown to really respect and admire those who have built their own schools and businesses, especially being foreigners in Japan. I have been very lucky to have been advised and gotten help from some of them too.

Upon graduating my second year in Japan, you would think things would be easy. Quite the contrary, the challenges continue as I penetrate deeper in the society and culture. In some ways, it has gotten easier, sometimes almost mundane in the routine of life. But it seems to more I can understand, the more I am still navigating. This could be why I am still fascinated with this country, and maybe why so many foreigners stay even if it means riding more and more of their the lifestyle they once had outside of Japan. In my first year, I had viewed this as a challenge in adapting myself to different situations and cultures and then fitting in. But now, I could lose my patience a little and feel my frustration in things that are beyond me. This has also become more prominent in my freelance work because I am mostly navigating on my own through the multifaceted Japanese corporate and social cultures. Consequently, I have to deal with an absence of commiseration as I found myself with no real co-workers.

Luckily, the many friends I have made here have been keeping me going. I have made many friends this year, much more than I have ever expected. At the beginning of the year, I thought 2010 would be a quiet year for me where I would have turned to polishing my Japanese, focusing on the interests I have not yet experienced. Instead, I have been going out more. But through that, I have been building my network in Fukuoka. At the same time, I felt I have stretched myself a bit thin. Not only I didn't get to tune in my focus and interests more, I couldn't give more time to develop deeper friendships. I am not sure if it was because of this or the way Japanese had innately grown to impermanence that I found myself losing some very close friends of mine this year. 2 major things I observed - first, this has not only been with Japanese people, but with foreigners I have met here as well which makes me wonder if the social culture subconsciousness influence the flow of life. Second, the harder I try, the more I fail to establish anything significant which is completely bipolar to the "ganbatte" (do your best) spirit. I found that friendship in Japan is a delicate matter and it got me to understand some representation of "mono no aware (物の哀れ, rite of pathos)".

Is the Rise of China a Threat?

Since I got to Japan, I have heard a lot of concerns regarding the threat of a rising China. This comes not only from Japanese but foreigners I have met here as well. I am sure whomever comes across the discussion of China in general would have thought of this but I have always questioned whether this anxiety is really from China as a country or the mentality of human kind.

I am no expert of Chinese history but I have studied just enough as an undergrad student to know that China has been through turmoils of internal civil unrest, struggled unity, and dealt with thousands of attacks where the Great Wall of China was built to protect its people from invasions of neighboring states. In the more modern history of China, there were foreign countries, as well as the political, social and cultural revolution of an imperial to national, then communist government. All of this have put majority of the Chinese people centuries, and especially to the modern Chinese, decades of sufferings, which is still evident physically and psychologically so to the older generations.

No doubt, this notion of threat is understandable but I am actually more concern about the over emphasis of the issue to prevent others to help this huge country to nourish something world-changing and evolutionizing. I wonder whether the distrust and even jealousy of a huge growing nation would set off some paranoid ideologies to the younger generations from creating friendly cross-culture rapport, just as globalization has occurred in other countries.

This podcast I have just heard gave me some insights as to how the Chinese people think. Though the voices heard from this podcast are small and selected, I think it would be rudimentary to think China as the most powerful country in the world could be a complete threat and disaster.

The Top 5 Moments in Japan

Sitting in The Dark Room - a cool local rock bar with two of my bestest friends, Chihiro and Roger, on the eve of my 33rd birthday, I was asked to name the top 5 moments in Japan. I suddenly reflected on my students with the same question being asked by me without warning in class. It's overwhelming at first but luckily, I got to answer it with my adopted native language. So albeit it took a little warming up, it came out quite naturally.

5.
I am grateful and elated by all the people who had traveled far to visit me last year - Tom and Osamu from Tokyo, Vickie from San Francisco, Camilla from Copenhagen, Joe from Santa Barbara. I had a wonderful time and created some really precious memories with all of them. They had really made my first year special.

4.
The beautiful and breathetaking places I got to visit in Japan. Kyoto, Kumamoto, Itoshima, Iki, Okinawa to name a few. I am most grateful for the opportunities and ability to travel.

3.
The sense of safety and cleaniness wherever I go. I never hesitated on walking home at 2am other than the fact that I was too tired or drunk. And I have not yet encountered a bathroom so digusting that I couldn't go.

2.
The ongoing learning experiences. There are so much to do and see in Japan. So many hobbies to cultivate and so much information to consume. Only if I can be more selective and if I ever have the time to do them all!

1.
My friends in Japan. If I ever have to count my blessings, I will count each friend I made here. From traveling, eating, chatting over coffee, learning Japanese, exchanging languages and cultures, work talks, girl talks, boy talks, parties, drinking, clubbing - they have enhanced every aspect of my life here. And they share so many important moments with me as well.

I feel very very lucky!!

My Funny Valentine

I always dreaded Valentine's day. One, I think it's just a Hallmark holiday. Second, it makes single people feel like shit as it just comes with so much expectation and anticipation. Third, it's just cheesy. I hate anything too contrived or required too much unnatural effort, especially when it comes to expressing love. I hate it even more that people choose to do it all together on this one day - buying flowers and chocolates, romantic dinners, showing off gestures of love where it probably should have been done regularly, without reminding. God, do I sound like a bitter woman here?

Well, there had been some good Valentine's moments in my life. As I was reminiscing some old Valentine's day stories with my co-worker today, I remembered my first Valentine. I was 11, living in England, with my first boyfriend, Eurek Kingfisher. I don't think we have been going out long so we didn't talk about what we would do on Valentine's day. If I recalled correctly (from more than 20 years ago! Ahhhh!), Valentine's day fell on a Friday. That weekend, our school had a mandatory exit where we all had to leave the school to return home or in my case, my guardian's home for the weekend. Eurek's parents came in town early and took him out on Thursday so I didn't see him for a while. That Friday afternoon as I was heading back to my dorm to pack, Eurek suddenly appeared and hastily shoved a box in my hand, followed by a quick kiss on the lip and then left. I can't remember if someone was with me or not but I remembered hiding the box under my cape. Then once I got to the dorm, I quickly packed the box into my bag and left town. I guess I was embarrassed. So embarrassed. The box looked cheesy and I didn't dare to open it in front of people. Once I got to my home in London, I closed and locked the door behind me and examined the box like an alien specimen. Inside the box was a white Valentine's teddy holding a heart with a red ribbon tied to a piece of red velvety material to attach to the box. It was sooooooo cheesy and cheap so I threw everything but the teddy away and buried it deep in the garbage can. I don't think I ever thanked Eurek and I tried to forget that ever happened, but I kept kissing him when I got back to school anyway! LOL!

As I told this story to my co-worker, Naomi today, she said that sometimes, we girls think we were just too cool to get all sentimental. But now that we are much older, these sentiments are so so precious and innocent. Poor Eurek, I hope I hadn't squashed all his ideals of romance. That moment, with his puppy eyes and the kiss as he gave me the teddy was so funny and sweet. Oh, my funny Valentine! My sweet little Valentine...

"My Funny Valentine" by Stan Getz and Chet Baker

Thank you very very much!

It's been a while since I really wrote anything substantial or meaningful. This has to do with my crazy work schedule but also my inability to say no to socializing. However, I believe it is exactly that - the interconnections of human relationships which has enriched my life and inspired me to ignore everything else that I need or wish to do tonight but to record what I have experienced in the last 30 hours. Though nothing is exceptionally major but so many little things had happened. This is in no particular order:

1. Various comments and acknowledgments from friends all over the world wishing me a Happy Chinese New Year, my favorite childhood holiday.

2. A text from a very good friend full of juicy, crazy gossips from home.

3. Another text from my sister, trying to schedule a skype chat because she misses me.

4. A "I am thinking of you" email from my ex, who has remained to be one of my most loyal friends.

5. Dinner with Amanda, my little fake Mexican, a wonderfully, intelligent young lady with the whole world ahead of her.
6. A sweet friend suggested to grab some Chinese dinner on the first day of Chinese New Year. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably gone home with a half-priced bento.

7. A cute and fairly accurate animated depiction of me from a talented co-worker.


8. A surprise visit from an ex-student who came just to tell me she's going to Australia for a year and that I have been a good teacher to her. (Another ex-student came 2 months ago to let me know she got a job with a major airline company and thanked me for her success.)

9. All the sweet, beautiful, Japanese girlfriends I have here that are always keeping in touch with me everyday.

10. Co-workers planning my birthday party, even though it's a month away. And some affectionate teasing from them as well.

11. Nothing but fantastic students all day. In especially to my favorite super smart student who spent most of his private lesson time informing me about farmers' markets and organic farming in Japan because he knows I am interested in it.

12. Emails from friends about dinners and various plans for this weekend.

13. A visit from my neighborhood kitty (okay, she's not human but she was like my boyfriend in the first few months when I got to Japan) who never fails to give me plenty of rubbin' luvin'.

14. Last but not least, and probably what is going to make me smile as I go to sleep tonight. And this is almost worth a blog entry of its own - a note from an old, bicycle parking attendant at my train station. Ever since he cleverly discovered that I am not Japanese and he fearlessly spoke in English at every opportunity he sees me, he has become my favorite ojiisan おじいさん (grandfather). Anyway, as I went to pick up my bike tonight, I saw this sweet note below. Not only my bike is not stolen despite of my carelessness, I am once again in awe of my blessed fortune, especially from the people who have helped me and supported me through the maze of this intricate and strangely fascinating country.


To my friends, and to 日本. With love and appreciation.
Once again, どもありがとうございました!

Remembering Martin Luther King Jr.

Ever since my visit to Atlanta, Georgia, the birthplace of Martin Luther King, Jr., and the teachings from the many wonderful educators at Fielding, I have decided to pay special attention in remembering and reflecting on the work and life of Martin Luther King, Jr. each year on MLK day.

This year, I spent half an hour listening to a reflection from Dr. King's lawyer and advisor, Clarence Jones, on the march and his famous "I have a dream" speech in Lincoln Memorial on August 1963. Though I already know quite a bit about the history of King's work, I was surprised to learn that the particular part on "I have a dream" was all improvised. It was King's speaking from the heart and propheting to what American is today and can continue to evolve in the future.

Behind the Dream
by Clarence B. Jones

Teacher of the Month

Something small to celebrate my one year anniversary in Japan. Anyway, here's my phoney acceptance speech, along with comments from my manager and head teacher:

＜Tiffani先生のコメント＞
What a delightful surprise to receive the Teacher of the Month! I am most honored and humbled by this recognition.

Many thanks to the Honbu staff, who have continuously provided me with care and guidance in navigating through life as an AEON teacher. In addition, I would like to thank the Tenjin staff and my fellow teachers, who are the backbone of my success. Not only are they competent, supportive, and dedicated professionals, they are also very kind and fun to work with. They – Atsuko, Kayoko, Hitomi, Kaori, Kimie, Wasim, Amanda, Naomi, and Nozomi - deserve to share this recognition with me as I would not have been able to do well without them.

Though teaching at AEON can sometimes be very challenging and there are many responsibilities to juggle with, at the end of the day, it is very rewarding to know that I have made a difference with my students - from the small scale of learning some new vocabulary to the larger scale of inspiring them to improve their everyday lives. I am grateful to have been given this opportunity to live and work in Japan. I hope I can continue to make further contributions at AEON and beyond in the near future!

＜宮崎マネージャー代理のコメント＞
Tiffani先生はイーオンに勤務して1年弱ですが、どんな層の生徒様からも非常に人気があり、生
徒様の心をつかんで離さない力をもっています。
また、セルフスタディーでは外国人教師のWasim先生と共にリーダーになり、
ビジネスミーティングや他の場面でもしっかりリーダーとして他のスタッフを束ね、
やる気にさせている姿を度々見て、非常に感心させられます。
セルフスタディーの販売においても、時間がある限り、生徒様とアポを取り、カウンセリング
を実施しています。
九州で1番になりたい！という気持ちも強いですし、なにより生徒様の上達を真剣に考えお勧
めしています。
今後も外国人教師のリーダーとして天神校をひっぱってもらいたい教師です。

＜森野先生のコメント＞
Tiffani先生は、まだ赴任して1年も経っていませんが、
生徒様の心をしっかり掴み、生徒様の立場になり、何をおいても生徒様との関係を大事にする
先生です。
生徒様が困っているようであれば、何をおいても助けようとしますし、厳しさが必要なときに
は厳しく指導してくれます。
授業の質は言うに及ばず、SSCやビジネス面での協力もとてもすぐれています。
必要な時には必ず率先して何事もしてくれる頼れる先生です。
私としては、これからもずっと天神校で一緒に働いてもらえたらと思う私の支えになってくれ
ている先生です。

Life lesson #4354312847

I didn't use to really understand why some people would get so easily disappointed by other people's action. I know some follow with consequences but I was naive to think that one should not care so much if it doesn't have a direct affect on them or if you are not the victim. I guess over time, as I matured and evolved as an adult, I became more self-aware and I noticed that these behaviors caused by others shaped how I think.

Tonight, I was disappointed by an action of a friend. Though the action has no direct affect on me, I questioned the integrity of the person. To be fair, I know I have also disappointed people with my actions so I am in no position to pass judgment. In fact, I am questioning of whether I can stay neutral or choose not say anything about it (to the friend) because the bottom line is that it does not affect me directly. But again, I am disappointed. I want to know what caused this person to do it. I want to know the truth. Most of all, I want to know how I can change it.

As I become more and more single these days, I realized I have only myself to look after first and foremost. I am writing this to remind myself that I should be careful of whom I let in my life but also keep an open mind to allow positivity and various influences to flow through. I don't want to be judgmental and I don't want to take life too seriously but at the same time, I want to treat things that matter with respect and integrity. Today, I learned that you can be disappointed in others but I don't think it is up to me to pass judgment but only as a lesson to become aware of the complexity and vulnerability of human relationships.

I will remember you

My dearest 爺爺 (yeah yeah/grandpa),

You are my role model.

When I think of you, I always think of how you used to carry me up the stairs to your old apartment on your back, like "mai ju zai", a little piggy on sale. I used to laugh all the way from the moment you had me on your back. Another memory was how you used to lead a group of people hiking all over the hills of Hong Kong in the winter and go swimming in the islands near Sai Kung in the summer. I still remembered how you pretended that you accidently bumped me off the boat, just for laughs.

But there is so much than just your sense of adventure, sense of humor, and knack for fun. You also have so much humanity. You have devoted your life as a father of four, grandfather of eight, and a wonderful husband to a beautiful, capable woman. You are kind and generous to your friends and you continued to have many friends to now, at age 93, almost 94. You were a dedicated volunteer to a Kowloon homeless shelter and served as the chairman for many years, by which you have given and raised much money to allow the shelter to grow and became an important place to those in need in Hong Kong. Yet all of this, you served humbly, never bragging how much you have put in but only appreciated what you were given and received.

These days, you know you are not the same anymore. You know that you have trouble with your memories, and I know how much it upsets you that you can't walk and go to places you used to go or wherever you want. When I asked you if you thought you would live this long, you said you never thought of it. Though I am sure you have but I think it's not something you question everyday because you live the moment. Now that your horizon has narrowed, you told me you are accepting that the life will bring you to a stage where you acknowledge what it is and you let it go to live the best of your ability and most of all, at its presence. Then each day, you live simplier and happier, and you look forward to those small things that make a difference and you move to things are that near and most important to you.

I wish you were closer to me, grandpa. I miss you lots.

Love,
柏琪 (Pak Kay)

Me...

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

久しぶり Hisashiburi!!!

So many things have happened in the past few months that I had to check my calendar or look at pictures to remind myself what I did. Work has been extremely busy but productive. I don't want to sound like I am bragging nor I can go into details right now but I am doing well - basically making the company a good amount of money and most of all, keeping my students happy. Outside of work, I am having a lot of fun. There are always good dinners, drinking, clubbing, karaokes, shopping, beach, Starbucks, getting out of Fukuoka etc. I could hardly keep track. So I made a vow - I am going to update this blog more often with things that I did, even if it's just a short entry.

Starting with this weekend...after work, I went out to dinner with a couple of my favorite students - Masami and Hisayo. Masami found us this awesome kushikatsu 串カツ place - essentially deep fried skewers of meat, veggies etc. The place was small - only 13 counter seats and it's what Japanese people called a Ｂ級グルメ (B kyuu gurume), second class gourmet restaurant but I came out a happy buddha over good food and wonderful new friends.

Left to right: Hisayo, me, Masami

But that wasn't over yet - after dinner, the night was still young so I went out to karaoke with Tanya - my wife in Japan and her co-workers. Seriously, Tanya and I have bonded since our training in April and we have been hanging out more and more since. In fact, our iPhone calendars sync every weekend when we meet because we make and got plans for each other (hehehe)! Going back to karaoke - one of my favorite pastime in Japan. I always have a ton of fun singing songs I'd never imagine I would be able to sing or not sure how I even know. This week, I have been to karaoke twice. Once on a weekday when another friend Sachiko came from out of town and I stayed up until 3:30am - a handful of us stayed out on a school night. Anyway, on Saturday night, I sang with Jeff, my fellow American, and one helluva karaoke rapper. We had a lot of fun singing Crazy Train, End of the Road, and many more songs both cheesy and cool.

Jeff & Tiff

Next day, Tanya and I went to Higher Ground Musical Festival at 海の中道 uminonakamichi. We stayed there the whole day, listened to a lot of cool J-Pop music, got drunk, sunburnt, and managed a few laughs with the locals. It was a really great day and so glad we did it even though no Japanese person came with us and we hardly understood anything. Anyway, I'll post some more photos and write about this event again later when I have more time.

Higher Ground 2010

Tanya & I

Today, Monday, is my Japanese lesson day. These days, I take 2 lessons a week - one, today, at a community center taught by volunteers, and a private lessons which I pay a lot of money for at the Japanese language school. Monday is usually my chill day where I would spend a good amount of time studying Japanese at Starbucks. Of course, there are also errands to run, laundry to do, apartment to clean but it's typically my chill-day. Last Wednesday, my bike was taken away by the city because I parked it at an illegal spot with hundreds of others because there are not enough parking in the area. To retrieve my bike was a real pain in the ass but luckily, Masami, my student, kindly offered to go with me as my translator/caretaker, and I was able to reunite with my bike without a glitch. I am soooooo grateful to her. After getting my bike back, Roger and I met up for some frisbee at the park where we both got some good exercise. Then onto Starbucks where I met up with Tanya to study some Japanese for a couple of hours. Before heading home, we stopped at the supermarket to pick up a bag full of half-priced bentos as our lunches for the rest of the week.


So that's my life here. Tomorrow, it's my Monday (even though technically it's Tuesday). I dread it every week because I have so much fun on the weekends. But, I have something to look forward to - another weekend of fun fun fun. I got birthday parties, clubbing, picnic at the park with friends, fireworks and more coming up.

最高 に楽しい ね Saikou ni tanoshii ne! Yay!

A new yoga pose, a new meaning

I have been doing yoga for nearly 7 years. It is something I always look forward to, especially when there are somethings on my mind.

While in Japan, I have been out of practice for a while because like many things, it's a hassle to do it without being fluent in the language, plus it's almost twice the price here for a yoga lesson (granted the studio is fully equipped with showers, towels, blow dryers...like a locker room at a spa. Yes, Chris, it's 5x better than Ace Hotel). But I was craving for it. Practicing on my own at home (something I am very inconsistent at and it includes rolling around, bending myself in unattractive poses for fun) it's nothing like going to a class. Anyway, I finally found the motivation to go to class on Monday and was surprised to learn a new pose - a variation of Eka Pada Rajakapotasana, one-legged pigeon.

At first, I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't quite know where to bend and how to reach my arms around my feet. It looked simple enough but I knew it was a big stretch. My teacher immediately saw my struggle, sat intimately closed to me with the posture I was supposed to have and gently but firmly (yoga teachers have the amazing ability to be gentle but strong at the same time) bend my right leg high enough to reach my right arm. Within seconds, I was locked into the position. She then sat behind me to regulate my breathing and deepen my breathe. Though the pose only lasted for another minute, it was the most fantastic 1 minute of the entire 1.5 hours yoga class. I knew the pose was perfect. After that, we switched. I was able to do the other side on my own but when I returned home that night, I ungracefully struggled into the pose. Though I finally managed to get into it, I couldn't hold it very long and my breathing was all over the place. It was definitely far less than perfect. So tonight as I was biking home, I thought about what happened and how my students may also be struggling to master what English they were able to communicate in class as compared to their success on their own. I want to know how I can help them improve and motivate to continue what they can achieve. I want everyone of them to come away with a meaningful learning - something they can think about from various angles and perspectives of their lives, like this new yoga pose I have just encountered, thanks to an attentive yoga teacher. Om......

Wabi Sabi

Spring in Japan is absolutely beautiful and poetic. As I walked home late tonight, I detoured to small neighborhood park. It was a warm night and there was a faint sweet smell in the air from the cherry blossoms. There was a swing right underneath a big cherry blossoms tree and since no one was at the park, I sat on the swing and started swinging like a little kid. Many thoughts went through my head, especially of people I love. It was a calming moment after another busy day at work, followed by a fantastic dinner with great company. At that moment, I was very moved by the beauty and peacefulness and I was thinking how lucky I am to be here.

It has been a little over four months since my arrival in Japan and my life here has been really full, especially in the last couple of months. I am confident to say that Japan and I have established a solid foundation of our relationship but there is still so much to learn from my part. Even though I haven't been here that long, I felt like I have already lived so much. I have been blessed with new friends - both Japanese and foreigners who have kept me busy with my social life. My Japanese is improving day-by-day but I do wish I have the motivation to study harder, I got to do kendo - something I had wanted to do for a long time, and travel to somewhere at least once a month - a promise I made to myself. I am also doing well at work (well, actually, I am not 100% sure because they haven't told me anything, but from what I have been told, you will not know if you do well but you will know if you don't do well because my boss will make sure to tell you) and I have great co-workers who are kind, hardworking, understanding, and competent. And then there are the guys - Roger and Wasim, the other foreign teachers at my school who have been here for a while and they are supportive, cool to work with (no dramas!) and would watch my back. I am also really enjoying teaching and I love interacting with my students. Some of them I have grown to love and they have given me so much by sharing their culture with me. I just have been treated very well by the people here. I love Japan and I feel that Japan loves me back.

With all the stimulation and experiences, I don't think it has changed me as a person but like most experiences from extensive traveling, I have deepened and I have gotten to know myself better. This also has to do with me being single and living alone for the first time in my life. I feel I have a lot of freedom and tuning in to myself more. I found myself more mature, more cautious with my emotions, and a little more self-aware. Which, by all means come with the realization that I still have so much to work on - I need to be more observant, to be more conscientious, to pay more attention to my surroundings, to be less reckless, to be careful with my words. All of these I have read and have been told can be learned by "observing how Japanese traditions and history reflected in daily life, how family and respect for others are cultivated, how teamwork is valued from school to work, how persistence and gambaru (trying hard) are often emphasized over innate ability" from Living Abroad in Japan by Ruth Kanagy. One of favorite students told me this week that the spirit of Japanese people is effort. As wabi sabi - the realization and acknowledgment of impermanence when nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect - is observed, it is your effort, not your talent that would allow you to reach 悟りSatori - enlightenment in Zen Buddhism.

Tonight, as I was alone in the park, swinging on the swing, listening to John Mayer's Gravity, admiring the beautiful cherry blossoms, I found a moment of wabi sabi as I acknowledged the natural course of changes in my life, the relationships I have that are unfinished, and my search for happiness doesn't stop even when I am feeling happy. What is extraordinary about this is that I have found a moment of satori in such an unexpected place.

Gravity
by John Mayer

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
Oh... where the light is!

Reflecting on the 32 years

It's 12:38am, Friday, March 5. I was born 32 years ago.

My earliest memory goes back to when I was about 5 or 6, maybe even 7. It was probably summer time in Hong Kong because I was wearing a yellow t-shirt and shorts. As soon as my mom left the door, I rushed to the balcony to see her walking out from our apartment building to the streets. She was going shopping at the wet market down the road. I remembered that I liked looking down and seeing the world outside. I remembered I wanted mom home as soon as possible but I also really enjoyed the freedom and independence.

Some other memories were of my grandfather. I have snapshots of him carrying me on his back as he climbed the stairs to his apartment and I would laugh all the way home. I remembered once where he purposely pushed me off the boat into the ocean with his butt just for laughs. I remembered how my grandparents would eat very late dinners and how much my grandfather loved my grandmother and her cooking. I really miss seeing them together.

Elementary school was a bit blurry as I was a terrible student and home life was challenging because there were so much focus on academic success from parents to their children in Hong Kong. Though it was devastating at first to hear that you are being shipped to a boarding school far, far away in England when you are only 10 years old. In hindsight, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I couldn't be more grateful to my parents' decision and their sacrifices to make that happen. My life would just be really different now if I wouldn't have gone.

Some memories from England are so still so fresh in my mind that it feels like it only happened a few years ago. Some are very distance too but unforgettable. Such as a popular girl defending me from being teased because I didn't speak English well, to the first Benson and Hedges menthol cigarette (God, I so want one of those right now). Then, there were the first experiences with boys. The boyfriends, dates, dark classrooms, instruments closets, and many many more. And how much I still love the friends from Moira House, even though I haven't seen them for ages. So glad we have been able to stay in touch via Facebook.

Leaving England and moving to the US public school system was a shocking transition for me. I think that was the first time I have seriously experienced culture shock, except I didn't even know what it was at that time. Cheerleading, homecoming, proms, gangs, tagging, American history, Calculus, SATs were all so new and foreign to me. In addition, I was living at home again, under the same roof with my mom whom I never really got along with and while my dad was working in Beijing. It was all really challenging for both of us and unfortunately, this transition didn't bring us any closer.

Going to college was a great escape for me. I was accepted by UCSB on my birthday 14 years ago. I never even visited the school but I knew that was it. Like many college students in the States, especially the ones who attended a party school, I had a really wild time. You can use your imagination on what I might have experienced or done. At one point, I almost go kicked out of school because I was doing so bad but luckily, I met Luis who provided me stability and love so I was able to concentrated on the wonderful education I was getting and finally graduated. A couple of months before I left for Japan, he paid me a surprise visit. After more than 5 years apart, we were very different people except he is still a big part of who I am. I felt extremely uncomfortable on that day because he wanted to thank me on some things that I don't even think about anymore but I wish I could tell him now that I am thankful he had rescued me from destroying my life.

My next life with Nathan was dynamic. We were lovers, co-workers, best friends all rolled into one. He had allowed me to be who I was but challenged me to be better and brought out my confidence by supporting me in everything that I did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him yet we both know that wouldn't have been the best decision. It was a bitter-sweet ending and it still hurts as I am writing this. It has been a huge "grow-up" lesson how to overcome something that you just have to accept what it is.

Here I am, in Japan, 32 years later. I am living out my dream - working and living in a foreign country, and this is just one of many things I am so grateful for. I have a job that I enjoy and I am doing what I love - teaching. New friends I have made here have been keeping me busy so I don't feel lonely for too long and old friends at home are still cheering me on, staying in touch almost every day, and sending me love and support during tough times. Financially, I am more stable than I have ever been. My relationship with my mom is good, and I am so looking forward to all the friends that are visiting me here this year! My health is good but I think I need a check up really soon! Overall, I am glad to be a pretty happy person and I am humbled by all of this.

So what's next for me. I am still not sure and I certainly do not want to set any expectations but perhaps I need to remind myself with a quote from one of my favorite yoga teachers in Santa Barbara, Eddie Ellner:

An exploration in nothing. If we are lucky.

Om. Nameste.

Being a real Chinese for one day

February 14, 2010 fell on a Sunday this year. For many Americans, they celebrated along with the President's Day long weekend. Here in Japan, women (and only women...men buy things for women on White Day. Another blog topic later) were busy buying chocolates to give to their lovers, boyfriends, husbands, friends etc. In China and for Chinese people all around the world, including myself, we celebrated the first day of Chinese New Year!

Luckily for me, I was able to celebrate Chinese New Year so I can pretty much ignore the whole Valentine's Day thing. I didn't plan on this and it just happened by fate, I believe. A few weeks ago, I was asked by our honbucho (Japanese word for the director) to do an interview with a prospective student. This student, Barbara, was originally from Hong Kong but has been living in Japan for 12 years. Barbara's English level was excellent so it was an easy interview and we hit it off right away. Long story short, we emailed back and forth to meet outside school and we ended planning a trip to see the Chinese Lantern Festival in Nagasaki on Chinese New Year.

I have not celebrated Chinese New Year for a whole day since I was 10! For the past couple of years, I did make an effort to celebrate like going out to eat Chinese food or making Chinese food at home. I have seen some of the New Year's festivities in San Francisco too but it was usually a few hours of wandering around Chinatown before doing some shopping in Union Square. This year, I actually spoke Chinese almost the entire day with Barbara and even got a red envelope! When I was home with my family, I usually speak half English and Chinese so I actually felt that I haven't been this Chinese for a very long time!

So the day started early for me as I met Barbara and her boyfriend, Andrew in the morning for a 2-hour+ bus ride to Nagasaki. When we arrived, Mengya, the girl I trained with, who is also Chinese, greeted us along with one of her students. Our group was like a little United Nations meeting. There was me, American-Chinese, who could speak English with Mengya. Mengya, Canadian-Chinese, who could speak Mandarin Chinese to Barbara's boyfriend, Andrew. Barbara, who could speak Japanese to the student. Nevertheless, it was English which we communicated most of the day.

Once we were outside the bus station, we could see the lanterns hanging all around the city so it was really festive and the city was just packed with people. Here's Barbara and I in Chinatown.

This year is the Year of the Tiger 虎. Apparently, tiger is a sign of courage, fearlessness, and a fiery fighter , revered by the ancient Chinese as the sign that wards off the three main disasters of a household: fire, thieves and ghosts. On New Year's day itself, it is beneficial to celebrate, to be happy, to have smiling faces, and to refrain from scowling, quarreling, or criticizing anyone. Here's a tiger centerpiece at the center of the lantern's festivities:

Food is also an extremely important part of Chinese New Year's celebration. Originally, Barbara and I have planned on eating Chinese food but we ended up eating Japanese for lunch and Korean for dinner. Ha ha! We have absolutely no regrets because everything was delicious. Especially for lunch, we went to a restaurant that is famous for their chawan-mushi (Japanese steamed egg custard), which has ginko nuts, shrimp, crab, mushroom any many more ingredients in it. Look at the colorful, delicious-looking food as we all sat around a traditional Japanese dining room with tatame floors.


Last but not least, it wouldn't be complete to celebrate Chinese New Year's without seeing some dragons. On the way to the Confucius temple to pay our homage, we encountered a dragons parade. Yes, it was me who squealed at the beginning of the video. He he! Anyway...

Gung Hay Fat Choi! Shen Nien Kwai Le! 恭禧發財! 新年快乐!

Eat, Work, Love

So many small but interesting things happened during the week that I am having difficulty remembering them. I have been amazed that sometimes, a week went by and I felt like I have lived so much. When I was in Santa Barbara, I had a good life and it was easy to remember what happened. I was in a very familiar bubble with the same people I know for a while. Here, I see new faces all the time. I think I talk to about 100 students each week. I am still on sensory overload with my surroundings. Not that I am complaining here but I wish there is an easy way for me to remember it all because I feel like I am just swallowing my experiences and haven't had the time to digest.

Well, before I forget another interesting episode, I should just take this opportunity to record it. It's my first day of the weekend today. I woke up at 1pm because I stayed up too late to talk to my sister. Then my dad called after I woke up so I stayed in bed and spoke with him until 2pm. It was a nice outside, cold but sunny day so I decided to go explore the other side of town across the river. I found a big Asahi Beer factory and discovered how close it was to bike to all the popular destinations in Fukuoka. My bike is like my car and I am getting a work out from it too! Yay! So after roaming around in my bike, I was starving so I decided to treat myself to a nice meal. I choose a Japanese pasta restaurant. The only Italian thing about the place was that they used spaghetti. Even if they use cream and cheese for their sauces, the pasta tasted nothing Italian. Craving something that tasted like home, I settled for a meat sauce dish which comes with an raw an on top. It's like the red version of a spaghetti cabonara. It was really delicious but I wish I didn't have to eat it with disposable chopsticks. And there was no bread to scoope up the sauce! After dinner, I went to Starbucks to study Japanese. I was weening off Starbucks back in the US but here, it's better than going to Seattle's Best. (I so wish Coffee Bean will open one here. I have no doubt they will do really well.) An hour later, the girl I bought the bike from, Olinka and her roommate, Amanda joined me to hang out. Olinka is a strong, spiritual Mexican woman, around the same age as me. We hit it off right away when she sold me the bike. As we shared about our lives, I learned that she came to Japan after having done ayahuasca. I have only heard of ayahusca once on a TV show but in just one night, I met Olinka and this other Japanese guy whom we met randomly at a restaurant and did it while he was in an ashram in India. They were both so excited and enthusiastic talking about their experiences which made me wondered if I will want to do it in the future. Anyway, all of this coincidence happened because I was craving for Mexican food so Olinka took me to one in town and it was good! The Japanese owner spent 2 years in Guadalajara to perfect his skills and recreated a fairly authentic Mexican restaurant in the middle of a Japanese metropolis. Oh, all the tortillas were homemade. Ola!

Other than this interesting night with Olinka, I also had a really good week at work. As I am starting to get to know more of my students and getting more comfortable with the materials I have to teach, I realized I have some amazingly smart students - old and young. For example, one students used her best English in class to describe a show she saw on TV where you can trick your brain when you feel hungry by doing 10 seconds of quick steps and how it worked for her. Another student compared the rest of the Japanese with the Okinawans when paying respect to the dead. Many students are more than happy to offer me information about Japan and share their knowledge with me and their classmates. Like I said before, I wish I can just remember them all!

Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned this week is about letting go. Breaking up is hard enough itself but what I realized is that I am also losing my bestest friend - someone whom I have confided in with almost everything and whom I adore but I can no longer just tell him what I am thinking or how I feel. I now have to process these information on my own and figure it out. It is not that I wasn't able to do it on my own before but I enjoyed having his opinion and sometimes, simply to have someone to listen to and he was a great listener. He had allowed me bounce things off him and offered nothing but a few nods of acknowledgements. I know our breakup doesn't come any easier for him and maybe even harder in some ways so I wanted to respect his time and space. But, I feel so sad at times because as Tom Petty sings it "Good Love is Hard to Find".

Siging off with a deep breathe. Namaste.

It's Tuesday again. Another week here in the land of the rising sun. As I sat quietly at an onsen (hot springs) tonight, I reflected on the ups and downs of this past week. There were some really high times and then the low - very low, to the point I felt depressed. Luckily, I know how to bounce back and not let it get to me for too long. Plus I have some really good friends back home who are keeping taps on me, making sure I am staying afloat, and rooting for me even though we are thousands of miles away. Anyway, this was my roller coaster week:

Monday: Day 1 of being single. Getting out of bed was hard. Resisted all temptations of a breakup.

Tuesday: Work was a great escape but must put on a happy face.

Wednesday: Snow storm distraction (see previous post). Heard about the Haiti earthquake.

Thursday: Less snow. Lots of news about Haiti. My heart finally feel less heavy.

Friday: A little shaken from a FB status. Worried friends. Friendly neighborhood kitty came to keep me company. Donated money to Haiti. Felt good.

Saturday: Crazy busy work day but good. Learned a lot from my students and started to have a better grip on the flow of the lessons. Then crazy fun night out with co-workers and students.

Sunday: From the very high the night before followed by a very low day. I didn't want to get out of bed. Feeling lonely and homesick, I moped around until I found motivation to head out for some window shopping. I went to Canal City where there are lots of stores like Gap and Zara. Not only it gave me a little comfort of home, the thumping US rap and pop songs were a great distraction.

Monday (today): It was a nice sunny day and I was quite excited to go to my first Japanese lesson in the morning. Got a private lesson from an 85 year-old Japanese woman who volunteers at the community center where the lessons are held. She was really sweet and told me she likes sake. LOL! Another old lady who likes to drink (Chan is the other one). Maybe that's the real secret of longevity here. Sake and beer with good food = good life = longevity. Feeling good from the lesson, I randomly went to a ramen restaurant and ordered a lot of food. I am always a little proud of myself that I have the balls to just walk in to a place, order food with hardly any Japanese and manage to have a good meal. But what I was most happy about today was that I walked all the way to the next town, found the recycle /thrift store I researched on (with the help of my iPhone), bargained a little with the shopkeeper, bought and managed to get a coffee table delivered to my house!

What I learned this week is endurance and embracing challenges with good intentions and positive attitude. With a little help from my friends, I should be able to find green patches in the rough roads ahead.

Peace.

A snowy day in Fukuoka

Well, it finally snowed properly in Fukuoka today and the whole of Kyushu. I think we caught the cold front from China. Feeling kinda cold when I woke up, I opened up the drapes to my balcony and saw snow. For a second, it was like Christmas! and then it quickly daunted on me that I had a 15-minute walk to the train station. When I was ready to head out the door, it was snowing heavily. After a block, my umbrella was broken and I was covered in snow. No doubt I would've turned into a snowman if I had continued walking to the train station so I waved a taxi down. 1200yen later in a warm car, I felt much better and was ready to work! This is all new to me! How I miss sunny So.Cal!

The photo I took when I woke up.

Some heavy snowing 10 minutes before I headed out the door.

The bush outside my work's building. So pretty!

One the way home from the train station, it was not snowing so I was able to walk home but a layer of snow is still sitting on the staircase.

My co-worker, Wasim took this photo at the station where he lives in Kurume, which is further south from Fukuoka. There were a lot more snow and and it was snowing. The poor guy was covered white when he got home!