The Right Kind of Valentine's Day

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. These days, I believe it is just a major Hallmark holiday. Many people (and even I have, myself) get caught up with the rituals and perhaps the obligations, and never thought twice about the things we buy and do for this holiday.

Today, I heard a podcast on NPR about A Brother And Sister Get Married (And Later, Their Son Tweets It). Obviously, it is not what you think it is but a rather sentimental love tale of a husband's fervent love to his wife, even at the time of his death. The story reminded me of the love my grandfather has for my grandmother, and how heart-wrenching it was to watch him cried and suffered during her last hours. They were married for more than 50 years.

On this Valentine's day (and I am writing a day later in Japan but still in the time zone in the US), I want to declare a small revolution to change the way we celebrate Valentine's day. I want the world to focus on remembering all the experiences, the causes, the continuance, the memories of love of people they care or have cared about - husband, wife, boyfriends, girlfriends, mother, father, friends, co-workers, ex's. I want people to celebrate that this idea of love exist and it is around us. I want people to feel the emotions of love and even if they have never experienced it before, imagine with what they know and acknowledge it. Instead of buying chocolates, flowers, dinners, cards, I want people to just spend time researching or talking with someone about love. I want people be inspired by the talks of love.

Yes, it's cheesy but I am pretty sick of the way things are going on Valentine's day.

Signed,
The idealist and romantic

From the podcast, John Fuglesang's father (looking at his wife in this photo) who's crazy, madly in love with his wife, with a twist.

My grandparents. Been in love since they were teenage neighbors.

Why language is a uniquely human gift

Growing up as a child in Hong Kong, I struggled with every subject in school except for English because I believed I had an innate ability and natural curiosity for it. During my teenage years, I took up French as a requirement for my school in England. Though I didn't pursue any cultural interests, there were unavoidable influences. In college, I became aware of my interest for languages and signed up for German (because I was curious), Spanish (because my ex-boyfriend was from Guatemala), Japanese (because I thought it would be fun), and Mandarin Chinese (because I needed an easy subject to pull up my GPA). I almost took up Russian because I thought it would be useful for business. All of these "experimental language pursuits", in hindsight, were gateways for me to learn about different cultures without traveling abroad as I was a poor college student. Skip to 10 years later, I am now an English teacher in Japan and an on-and-off serious learner of Japanese. I still couldn't truly conclude the reasons of my pursuits except for that I know it makes me feel "wholesome" for the lack of a better word. Alas, my good friend, Tom, whom I have had numerous discussions on the learning of languages, especially in Japanese, recently sent me an article of how languages influence cultures and thoughts. At the end of the article, the author was able to articulate the depth of my thoughts in one paragraph:

"Language is a uniquely human gift. When we study language, we are uncovering in part what makes us human, getting a peek at the very nature of human nature. As we uncover how languages and their speakers differ from one another, we discover that human natures too can differ dramatically, depending on the languages we speak. The next steps are to understand the mechanisms through which languages help us construct the incredibly complex knowledge systems we have. Understanding how knowledge is built will allow us to create ideas that go beyond the currently thinkable. This research cuts right to the fundamental questions we all ask about ourselves. How do we come to be the way we are? Why do we think the way we do? An important part of the answer, it turns out, is in the languages we speak."

Hallelujah!

Bye bye 2011. That was really fast! (Part 1)

2011 went by really fast for me. I have a bag full of mixed feelings because there seems to be lots of goods, but then it is easy to remember the bads as well. But in the larger picture of things, I have a lot to be grateful for. Perhaps it was because I couldn't get all that I had wanted, but in a bit of hindsight (and writing in Hong Kong, away from the land itself, I could get a better view), I got what I need.

Perhaps the biggest gain I have gotten this year had to do with my professional development. As I completed my full term of year two in Japan, it had become more and more apparent that I want to gain as much professional experiences as I possibly could. After I quit my stable, big-corp language school teaching job, things fell together for me to freelance in Fukuoka. With decent reputation, lots of hard work, a bit of luck, and some very fortunate connections, I have accessed to small to major companies in Fukuoka and Japan. I worked with some very smart, successful professionals that are beyond my imagination, and most of all, I was able to adapt myself to work and help a wide range of people. In the past 5 months of basically running my own business, I received some success but I can't help but to think if I have the smarts and endurance to maintain it. I have grown to really respect and admire those who have built their own schools and businesses, especially being foreigners in Japan. I have been very lucky to have been advised and gotten help from some of them too.

Upon graduating my second year in Japan, you would think things would be easy. Quite the contrary, the challenges continue as I penetrate deeper in the society and culture. In some ways, it has gotten easier, sometimes almost mundane in the routine of life. But it seems to more I can understand, the more I am still navigating. This could be why I am still fascinated with this country, and maybe why so many foreigners stay even if it means riding more and more of their the lifestyle they once had outside of Japan. In my first year, I had viewed this as a challenge in adapting myself to different situations and cultures and then fitting in. But now, I could lose my patience a little and feel my frustration in things that are beyond me. This has also become more prominent in my freelance work because I am mostly navigating on my own through the multifaceted Japanese corporate and social cultures. Consequently, I have to deal with an absence of commiseration as I found myself with no real co-workers.

Luckily, the many friends I have made here have been keeping me going. I have made many friends this year, much more than I have ever expected. At the beginning of the year, I thought 2010 would be a quiet year for me where I would have turned to polishing my Japanese, focusing on the interests I have not yet experienced. Instead, I have been going out more. But through that, I have been building my network in Fukuoka. At the same time, I felt I have stretched myself a bit thin. Not only I didn't get to tune in my focus and interests more, I couldn't give more time to develop deeper friendships. I am not sure if it was because of this or the way Japanese had innately grown to impermanence that I found myself losing some very close friends of mine this year. 2 major things I observed - first, this has not only been with Japanese people, but with foreigners I have met here as well which makes me wonder if the social culture subconsciousness influence the flow of life. Second, the harder I try, the more I fail to establish anything significant which is completely bipolar to the "ganbatte" (do your best) spirit. I found that friendship in Japan is a delicate matter and it got me to understand some representation of "mono no aware (物の哀れ, rite of pathos)".

Is the Rise of China a Threat?

Since I got to Japan, I have heard a lot of concerns regarding the threat of a rising China. This comes not only from Japanese but foreigners I have met here as well. I am sure whomever comes across the discussion of China in general would have thought of this but I have always questioned whether this anxiety is really from China as a country or the mentality of human kind.

I am no expert of Chinese history but I have studied just enough as an undergrad student to know that China has been through turmoils of internal civil unrest, struggled unity, and dealt with thousands of attacks where the Great Wall of China was built to protect its people from invasions of neighboring states. In the more modern history of China, there were foreign countries, as well as the political, social and cultural revolution of an imperial to national, then communist government. All of this have put majority of the Chinese people centuries, and especially to the modern Chinese, decades of sufferings, which is still evident physically and psychologically so to the older generations.

No doubt, this notion of threat is understandable but I am actually more concern about the over emphasis of the issue to prevent others to help this huge country to nourish something world-changing and evolutionizing. I wonder whether the distrust and even jealousy of a huge growing nation would set off some paranoid ideologies to the younger generations from creating friendly cross-culture rapport, just as globalization has occurred in other countries.

This podcast I have just heard gave me some insights as to how the Chinese people think. Though the voices heard from this podcast are small and selected, I think it would be rudimentary to think China as the most powerful country in the world could be a complete threat and disaster.

The Top 5 Moments in Japan

Sitting in The Dark Room - a cool local rock bar with two of my bestest friends, Chihiro and Roger, on the eve of my 33rd birthday, I was asked to name the top 5 moments in Japan. I suddenly reflected on my students with the same question being asked by me without warning in class. It's overwhelming at first but luckily, I got to answer it with my adopted native language. So albeit it took a little warming up, it came out quite naturally.

5.
I am grateful and elated by all the people who had traveled far to visit me last year - Tom and Osamu from Tokyo, Vickie from San Francisco, Camilla from Copenhagen, Joe from Santa Barbara. I had a wonderful time and created some really precious memories with all of them. They had really made my first year special.

4.
The beautiful and breathetaking places I got to visit in Japan. Kyoto, Kumamoto, Itoshima, Iki, Okinawa to name a few. I am most grateful for the opportunities and ability to travel.

3.
The sense of safety and cleaniness wherever I go. I never hesitated on walking home at 2am other than the fact that I was too tired or drunk. And I have not yet encountered a bathroom so digusting that I couldn't go.

2.
The ongoing learning experiences. There are so much to do and see in Japan. So many hobbies to cultivate and so much information to consume. Only if I can be more selective and if I ever have the time to do them all!

1.
My friends in Japan. If I ever have to count my blessings, I will count each friend I made here. From traveling, eating, chatting over coffee, learning Japanese, exchanging languages and cultures, work talks, girl talks, boy talks, parties, drinking, clubbing - they have enhanced every aspect of my life here. And they share so many important moments with me as well.

I feel very very lucky!!

My Funny Valentine

I always dreaded Valentine's day. One, I think it's just a Hallmark holiday. Second, it makes single people feel like shit as it just comes with so much expectation and anticipation. Third, it's just cheesy. I hate anything too contrived or required too much unnatural effort, especially when it comes to expressing love. I hate it even more that people choose to do it all together on this one day - buying flowers and chocolates, romantic dinners, showing off gestures of love where it probably should have been done regularly, without reminding. God, do I sound like a bitter woman here?

Well, there had been some good Valentine's moments in my life. As I was reminiscing some old Valentine's day stories with my co-worker today, I remembered my first Valentine. I was 11, living in England, with my first boyfriend, Eurek Kingfisher. I don't think we have been going out long so we didn't talk about what we would do on Valentine's day. If I recalled correctly (from more than 20 years ago! Ahhhh!), Valentine's day fell on a Friday. That weekend, our school had a mandatory exit where we all had to leave the school to return home or in my case, my guardian's home for the weekend. Eurek's parents came in town early and took him out on Thursday so I didn't see him for a while. That Friday afternoon as I was heading back to my dorm to pack, Eurek suddenly appeared and hastily shoved a box in my hand, followed by a quick kiss on the lip and then left. I can't remember if someone was with me or not but I remembered hiding the box under my cape. Then once I got to the dorm, I quickly packed the box into my bag and left town. I guess I was embarrassed. So embarrassed. The box looked cheesy and I didn't dare to open it in front of people. Once I got to my home in London, I closed and locked the door behind me and examined the box like an alien specimen. Inside the box was a white Valentine's teddy holding a heart with a red ribbon tied to a piece of red velvety material to attach to the box. It was sooooooo cheesy and cheap so I threw everything but the teddy away and buried it deep in the garbage can. I don't think I ever thanked Eurek and I tried to forget that ever happened, but I kept kissing him when I got back to school anyway! LOL!

As I told this story to my co-worker, Naomi today, she said that sometimes, we girls think we were just too cool to get all sentimental. But now that we are much older, these sentiments are so so precious and innocent. Poor Eurek, I hope I hadn't squashed all his ideals of romance. That moment, with his puppy eyes and the kiss as he gave me the teddy was so funny and sweet. Oh, my funny Valentine! My sweet little Valentine...

"My Funny Valentine" by Stan Getz and Chet Baker

Thank you very very much!

It's been a while since I really wrote anything substantial or meaningful. This has to do with my crazy work schedule but also my inability to say no to socializing. However, I believe it is exactly that - the interconnections of human relationships which has enriched my life and inspired me to ignore everything else that I need or wish to do tonight but to record what I have experienced in the last 30 hours. Though nothing is exceptionally major but so many little things had happened. This is in no particular order:

1. Various comments and acknowledgments from friends all over the world wishing me a Happy Chinese New Year, my favorite childhood holiday.

2. A text from a very good friend full of juicy, crazy gossips from home.

3. Another text from my sister, trying to schedule a skype chat because she misses me.

4. A "I am thinking of you" email from my ex, who has remained to be one of my most loyal friends.

5. Dinner with Amanda, my little fake Mexican, a wonderfully, intelligent young lady with the whole world ahead of her.
6. A sweet friend suggested to grab some Chinese dinner on the first day of Chinese New Year. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably gone home with a half-priced bento.

7. A cute and fairly accurate animated depiction of me from a talented co-worker.


8. A surprise visit from an ex-student who came just to tell me she's going to Australia for a year and that I have been a good teacher to her. (Another ex-student came 2 months ago to let me know she got a job with a major airline company and thanked me for her success.)

9. All the sweet, beautiful, Japanese girlfriends I have here that are always keeping in touch with me everyday.

10. Co-workers planning my birthday party, even though it's a month away. And some affectionate teasing from them as well.

11. Nothing but fantastic students all day. In especially to my favorite super smart student who spent most of his private lesson time informing me about farmers' markets and organic farming in Japan because he knows I am interested in it.

12. Emails from friends about dinners and various plans for this weekend.

13. A visit from my neighborhood kitty (okay, she's not human but she was like my boyfriend in the first few months when I got to Japan) who never fails to give me plenty of rubbin' luvin'.

14. Last but not least, and probably what is going to make me smile as I go to sleep tonight. And this is almost worth a blog entry of its own - a note from an old, bicycle parking attendant at my train station. Ever since he cleverly discovered that I am not Japanese and he fearlessly spoke in English at every opportunity he sees me, he has become my favorite ojiisan おじいさん (grandfather). Anyway, as I went to pick up my bike tonight, I saw this sweet note below. Not only my bike is not stolen despite of my carelessness, I am once again in awe of my blessed fortune, especially from the people who have helped me and supported me through the maze of this intricate and strangely fascinating country.


To my friends, and to 日本. With love and appreciation.
Once again, どもありがとうございました!