Wabi Sabi

Spring in Japan is absolutely beautiful and poetic. As I walked home late tonight, I detoured to small neighborhood park. It was a warm night and there was a faint sweet smell in the air from the cherry blossoms. There was a swing right underneath a big cherry blossoms tree and since no one was at the park, I sat on the swing and started swinging like a little kid. Many thoughts went through my head, especially of people I love. It was a calming moment after another busy day at work, followed by a fantastic dinner with great company. At that moment, I was very moved by the beauty and peacefulness and I was thinking how lucky I am to be here.

It has been a little over four months since my arrival in Japan and my life here has been really full, especially in the last couple of months. I am confident to say that Japan and I have established a solid foundation of our relationship but there is still so much to learn from my part. Even though I haven't been here that long, I felt like I have already lived so much. I have been blessed with new friends - both Japanese and foreigners who have kept me busy with my social life. My Japanese is improving day-by-day but I do wish I have the motivation to study harder, I got to do kendo - something I had wanted to do for a long time, and travel to somewhere at least once a month - a promise I made to myself. I am also doing well at work (well, actually, I am not 100% sure because they haven't told me anything, but from what I have been told, you will not know if you do well but you will know if you don't do well because my boss will make sure to tell you) and I have great co-workers who are kind, hardworking, understanding, and competent. And then there are the guys - Roger and Wasim, the other foreign teachers at my school who have been here for a while and they are supportive, cool to work with (no dramas!) and would watch my back. I am also really enjoying teaching and I love interacting with my students. Some of them I have grown to love and they have given me so much by sharing their culture with me. I just have been treated very well by the people here. I love Japan and I feel that Japan loves me back.

With all the stimulation and experiences, I don't think it has changed me as a person but like most experiences from extensive traveling, I have deepened and I have gotten to know myself better. This also has to do with me being single and living alone for the first time in my life. I feel I have a lot of freedom and tuning in to myself more. I found myself more mature, more cautious with my emotions, and a little more self-aware. Which, by all means come with the realization that I still have so much to work on - I need to be more observant, to be more conscientious, to pay more attention to my surroundings, to be less reckless, to be careful with my words. All of these I have read and have been told can be learned by "observing how Japanese traditions and history reflected in daily life, how family and respect for others are cultivated, how teamwork is valued from school to work, how persistence and gambaru (trying hard) are often emphasized over innate ability" from Living Abroad in Japan by Ruth Kanagy. One of favorite students told me this week that the spirit of Japanese people is effort. As wabi sabi - the realization and acknowledgment of impermanence when nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect - is observed, it is your effort, not your talent that would allow you to reach 悟りSatori - enlightenment in Zen Buddhism.

Tonight, as I was alone in the park, swinging on the swing, listening to John Mayer's Gravity, admiring the beautiful cherry blossoms, I found a moment of wabi sabi as I acknowledged the natural course of changes in my life, the relationships I have that are unfinished, and my search for happiness doesn't stop even when I am feeling happy. What is extraordinary about this is that I have found a moment of satori in such an unexpected place.

Gravity
by John Mayer

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
And gravity has taken better men than me (now how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
Oh... where the light is!