Sleeping with the Khandelwals

A letter I wrote to my friends while I was in India....which we talk and laugh about till this day.

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Dear friends,

We finally got some downtime for a few hours. Nevertheless, we will be meeting the Rotary Distract Governor tonight for a formal dinner at 9pm. Yes, they eat very late here. The big dinner typically starts with lots of yummy appetizers like tomato soup. kabobs, tandori meat and fish that melts in your mouth, little fried stuff (potatoes, cauliflowers), whiskey (they love it here), and maybe beers. The appetizers are accompanied with a lot of socializing and then you eat the main course, which is usually curry, rice, naan etc. at around 10:30-11pm. Typically, the dinner is served in buffet style and everyone eats sitting around the living room or standing up. I have only seen them use the dining table for breakfast. After the meal, there are always dessert, whether it is breakfast, lunch, or dinner. And if your plate is empty, they will keep filling it up. I have pigged out a little on the first few days but I am definitely suffering today. Since it's buffet style, I scope very little of everything and leave some on my plate so there is less pressure to eat more. My stomach did very well the first few days but unfortunately, I had to pop a few pills this afternoon to deal with indigestion and bowel movements. I am not really looking forward to having that big dinner tonight. I can't believe I am saying this but I wouldn't mind fasting for a couple of days.

The reason we are eating so much is because the people are so hospitable here. A couple of days ago, we arrived at the city of Rampur at around 8pm. We had a Rotary meeting with the local club and then we had the dinner with them. Soon after the dinner was over, I was bused away by my host. They were mostly speaking in Hindi or whatever Indian dialect so I didn't know what was going on. They put me in a car, took my luggage and was quickly driven off. All off a sudden, I was by myself and my host (an older Indian couple) asked if it's okay to drive around a little. They drove for about 5 minutes, we saw a wedding celebration on the street and that was it. As I entered the host's home, the wife showed me around the house, showed me where I will sleep, the bathroom, and then she said she'll sleep with me on the same bed. I was already a little devastated from being separated from other team members and now, I am told I am sleeping with a stranger. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night and that partly has to do with that wedding party outside which lasted until 1am and started again at 6am. I finally had to get up to go to the bathroom at 7pm and my host mother brought me tea and cookies to eat in bed. I decided this would be a good time to sip tea and write my journal in bed until my host mother and father hopped in bed with me and covered themselves with the same blanket I was covered in. What could be an extremely weird and intimidating situation actually made me feel like they treated me as one of their daughters (their daughters were grown up and are now living in the city). After this little incident, my host mother took me for an early morning walk around their posh neighborhood. Then I showered (remind me to tell you about the Indian shower) and had breakfast. My host father already had breakfast but he joined me at the table anyway. It was a very nice experience and even though it was shocking at first, I really got what I wanted to come here for - which is to learn about the culture of the people and to experience the life of an India person.

So far, we have visited so many places that I felt like I have been away for more than 2 weeks. The schedule is very hectic and they are a lot of road traveling, which are some very rough and bumpy roads. Luckily, we will be staying here in Bareilly for a few days. Today, we visited a rattan furniture shop, an embroidery business that exports to the US and Canada, and an eye hospital which helped thousands of poor villagers get free eye treatment. The hospital visit was so humbling and it really made me want to do more humanitarian work because I feel so fortunate to be Americans and we really do have it good with our freedom, lifestyle, social support, wealth etc. Though India is changing so much and so fast, the class difference here will take another 10-20 years to improve, poverty level will continue to rise, and corruption in government will likely still be a big part of how things are being run here. However, Indian people are one of the most flexible people in the world and if they want something done, they have all many hands and they can make things happen quite quickly. The hardest is that they will need to juggle which is the most important to take care of first and there are still so many socio-economic problems at large such as polio, healthcare, illiteracy etc.

It has been a very tiring trip but it has also been so exciting that my adrenaline is constantly running high. I have requested to visit a university and an orphanage (for you my dear Camilla), and I know we will be visiting many other industries since this is an industrial region of the country. Anyway, I hope to write more soon and hope this is not the last time I get to find some down time. This has really been an experience of a lifetime and I cannot wait to tell you all the exciting and wonderful things I have seen and done.

I will try to post a photo album up soon.

Namaste,

tiff

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Mr. and Mrs. Khandelwal, the host family in front of their home at Rampur. Yes, that is the woman whom I shared the bed with. :)

A quote from Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe barbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover
- Mark Twain

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time and a philopshy I live by, especially in the recent development of my life. Since I completed my MA last April, I am slowly spiraling in a rut. I lost direction in my life and things are happening very slow for me - very different from my MA days. Sometimes, I feel very unhappy but since I am such an optimistic and positive person, I carry a happy-go-lucky attitude and keep trodding along, hoping my efforts will come thru and my dream will turn to reality - to see the world...not just to visit but to learn and live the life and culture of that country.

After my MA, the first thing I wanted to fix was my job. It was the source of my biggest misery. I used to love my job but so many things have changed - my boss, my responsibilities, my learning curve that I feel very unchallenged. Plus I've been on it for just about 4 years now so it's quite overdued from moving on (I have only planned on doing it for 2 years but then I needed some stability while I was doing my MA). I had one interview at UCSB for a Public Events Manager. It would've been a promotion and something I know I'll be good at. The interview went well but apparently, I didn't have the breath and depth of the person they hired. That was a real set back for me because I thought I found the perfect match and I wanted that job so badly. So I went on job hunting hiatus for a while until I realized that I really should fulfil my long-time dream of working abroad. However, I couldn't decided where - China, Middle East (good $$$), Japan, Spain, France, England?

In December, I saw an ad on Craigslist for teaching in Japan with AEON. Just a month or so earlier, an old acquaintance (friend of a friend, a boy (well, man) I kissed once! ha ha!) sent me an email about his work in Japan and is working for the same company. Whether this is a coincidence or not, it was serendipitous to me and I took it as a sign. I started to recognize that my love for Japan goes beyond sushi and that I have a long-time fascination with that country and its culture since like 7 or 8! So, I applied, went on a couple of rounds of interviews, and was offered a job. However, they couldn't place me because they didn't have any opening for the month I wanted to leave so I have been waiting. And waiting until now. With this bad economy, things have really slowed down and the recruiters told me they just don't have anything for now.

In the last month, I applied for one other job in Japan with no luck. Then my old boss suggested that I send my resume to his contact in China. I haven't done it yet because everytime I am in China, I would say to myself that it's only vacation and I will go home eventually. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy learning about China (I did major in Asian Studies with an emphasis in China) but I don't have the same love for it as I do for Japan. But maybe my destiny is telling me to go there.

Anyway, reading the quote from Mark Twain today told me I shouldn't give up and to keep trying to pursue my dream. Plus writing this blog is a bit of therapy for me after I hear more disappointing news about Japan.

Oh well, TGIF!

#5 五: Grace in Small Things - Sundays

1. Sleeping in...until 11am
2. Being lazy for hours after getting out of bed
3. Spontaneous fun - went kayaking by myself!
4. A long shower or bath with time to shave, scrub, deep conditioning
5. Time to cook something that takes a really long time...like slow roast pork.

By the way, I have a new blog...The Home Chef Diary. Check it out!

The Man in Uniform

On my way to my car after work today, I saw a police officer talking to an attractive, young, slim, well-dressed female. I can't tell if they are boyfriend and girlfriend but standing next to each other, they look like a hot, good-looking couple. But then I wondered if I will think the same if the officer is not in his uniform but some plain clothes. And what if he's not well-dressed? What if he got no style in fashion? Will I still think they look like a good-looking couple? Will the hot factor just disappear without his uniform? If you meet a handsome man in uniform and then you see him without the uniform with the worst clothes, will you still think he's hot? Will you still want to pursue him?

Lucky me, I met my man without uniform and thank Goodness he can dress.
I thought I have something more to say about this but I guess I don't. Oh well, I am posting this anyway.

Apologizing for Who I Am!

I want to apologize to all my friends that it has been difficult for you or you have to learn Chinese in order to pronouce my last name Chan. I know it can also be confusing at times because I look like all other Asians so I will consider plastic surgery as well. Feel free to send me cash or checks to support my mission to become more "American". :)

Rachel Farris: The Be Like Me Party: Brown's Comments on Asian-American Names Translates to Bigotry in All Languages

Sex and Happiness

I am going to be very open here...Nathan and I had a lot of sex on Sunday and wow, what a difference does it make to Monday at work! We were definitely wayyyyyy to happy to start the week.

I am sure there are a lot of research out there on the correlation between sex and happiness. It is scientifically proven that sex can greatly improve health and mental state of mind. We have slogans in the 60s and 70s like "make love, not war" as a message for peace. So my theory has always been that when people seem bitchy, moody, or being a downright jerk, I think they just haven't gotten laid for a while. Sex seems to be a therapy to happiness.

Ideally, I think one should consider having sex at least once or twice a week to maintain a balance of mental stableness. Sex brings blood flow to the brain so that increases mental sharpness and endorphines. However, I want to note that it doesn't really do any good by just doing it. Tender, loving, exciting, hell-breaking, wild, earth-shattering sex will have better chances of achieving the benefits. Of course, orgasm is the ultimate goal and if you cannot achieve that during intercourse, it is like a game without ever scoring. Basically, pretty boring and pointless.

What I am trying to say today is that I think sex should weigh as important as our physical health, education, career. It's such a taboo to talk about sex and talk about sex in a way that is technical. To those that are not good at the act, they may not be aware at all that they suck at it or they do know but have no idea where to look for help. It is far too sad and unfortunate that some women have never experienced an orgasm or even think sex is good. Sex just seems to be too natural and innate for human beings to overlook.

The bedly ritual

Having been to boarding schools and college, I have a fair share of roommates in my life. Alas, this is not about the relationships between me and my roommates or even stories about them. This is about the bedly ritual - my observations of the routine things that we do toprepare ourselves for bed.

Most people that I have lived with, when they annouced they were going to bed, they rarely went straight to bed. There is a ritual. Going to the bathroom is probably the most common thing to do before bedtime. What you do in the bathroom? The basic stuff like brushing your teeth, floss, pee, wash face etc. Some people I know must take a shower. Some must take a dump. I can imagire there are some odd stuff people do in the bathroom. I don't know what they are but feel free to let me know. Outside of the bathroom, there's changing into the pj, getting naked, reading a book, watching tv, praying. I know there are at least 2 to 3 things a person must do before they get in bed and go to sleep. For me, even when I am drunk, I would manage to do at least 1 to 2 things before falling asleep. Well, when I am really drunk and wanting to pass out, that's another story.

In the middle of last night, our cat Vixen decided to jump in bed with us. She has many spots to sleep in the bed but recently, she's back to sharing my tempurpedic pillow with me. It's not a big pillow but I don't mind sharing because she's really soft and I love that she's not inhibited from the intimacy. However, her being so close when I am already asleep it's a big pain in the ass. What I observed last night (or early morning really) is that Vixen has her bedly ritual too. Come to think of it, all my mom's 5 dogs have theirs too. Toby, my favorite of the 5 would walk to this tiny cot in the garage to sleep, away from his 4 brothers and sisters and despite my mom's relentless effort to tuck him in under the blankets (yes, she really does that and never did it for my sister and I growing up) every night - another bedly ritual. Back to Vixen, first, she would knead the spot where she'll sleep. In the case of last night, the other half of my pillow. Then she would plob on that spot and immediately stretch out her arms and legs. Since I have a normal size pillow, her paws are over my face and head. Due to the intensity of the cat stretch, her claws would come out a little, digging into my skin and skull, but never deep enough to leave a scar. This goes on for about 2-3 minutes in various positions and then immediately, she lifts one leg up in a yoga like position to lick her stomach, then her hands, feet, back, sides. Then back to the stomach and towards her private area - the tit. Ahhh yes, this is her last ritual. I think it's actually a masterbation and has a very distinctive sucking sound. Nathan and I would get seriously annoyed with it and put our hands in her stomach to stop her from doing it but she would keep going, licking our hand, ignoring the fact that there is something obstructing her. It's almost like she's in a trance. Sometimes, she would stop but within 30 seconds, she would start all over again. Or if she's asleep already and we wake her, she would have to suck her tit again to fall back asleep. It is the most annoying thing about my cat! Fortunately, this strange trance suck masterbation thing lasts only for a few minutes. I have asked my friends with cats if they have ever heard of such a thing. Apparently, this is just Vixen's bedly ritual that no other cats have. Good thing Nathan and I love her just the same.

Here's Vixen. Our beloved cat daughter.